Mother's Day

Overall, I actually had a really nice Mother's Day this year, which was a nice surprise.  We headed to my "home" in Saskatchewan and stayed at my sister's place.  I got wonderful presents from Rowan, one of which was a round box with a poem and her picture on it that was filled with Hershey's kisses.  She made this at preschool and it was just a wonderful Mother's Day surprise.  It made me look forward to all of the fabulous handmade gifts I will likely receive in the future!

My sister made a fantastic gourmet brunch on Sunday (I'm seriously still salivating over it), and my own mom came up to spend the day with us.  It was a great visit, but my mom and I unfortunately have a strained relationship.  If nothing else, I have taken away many lessons from it as to what kind of mother I want to be to my own daughter.  I feel that I'm at least conscious of my aspirations of mothering, so hopefully thirty years from now, Rowan will think I'm at least not half bad.

Sunday was an unseasonably warm day out, so we spent much of it outside at the park and taking the dogs for a walk.  I love this stage that Rowan is at right now, such a little girl with such a strong personality.  She gave me lots of spontaneous "I love you"'s and hugs and even a "you're my best mommy".  These are the moments that make my heart melt and make me so happy to be a mum.

Mother's Day is a day that will always be bittersweet for me from now on.  I am so grateful to have my daughter, and to be able to watch her learn, grow and to have the opportunity to just be her mum.  On the other hand, there will always be those thoughts that I am in fact also a mother to a son, one that I will never get to celebrate with, or get special handmade mother's day presents from.  It is definitely hard, but the pain is much less sharp than it was at this time last year.

I try to remind myself that I am in fact, so blessed to at least have one child I can physically hold in my arms on this day.  There are many women out there (some of whom I know personally) that may not be considered in others eyes to be a mother as they have no living children.  Those of us who have lost babies know emphatically that this is just not true.  In fact, I recall an incident when Mother's Day rolled around when I was pregnant with Rowan.  A couple of coworkers for some reason felt the need to tell me that at four months pregnant, I was not in fact, a mother.  I was hurt by this, and I did feel that that was in a way my first Mother's Day.  I mean, I was growing a human in my body.  If I wasn't a mother, then what the heck was I???  I don't believe that you become a mother the moment your child is born.  I believe that if you are pregnant, (or if you have come to be a parent in any other way) then you are a mother.  As I'm sure anyone who has experienced a loss can attest to, some people can just be incredibly ignorant.

Thinking lots about all of the mums out there who are missing their babes.  Fingers crossed, *MAYBE* this time next year I will have two children to hold on this special day.