Lessons

It has been 414 days since we lost our son Harris to stillbirth.  In the last year and a bit, I have spent much time contemplating the loss of our son and what we can take away from his loss.  I have learned many things, here are a few of which stick out in my mind:

1. Life just isn't fair!!! 
2. Bad things happen to good people, and vice versa.
3. Tragedies don't occur because we deserve them.  I don't really believe in the deserved-ness of Karma.
4. Karma now really seems to me to be an excuse for people to wish ill-will onto others.  Not cool.
5. I have come to believe that we are really on a predetermined path in life.
6. I believe that our souls have chosen this life as a means of learning different lessons on Earth.  That I am here right now to go through these experiences for a reason.
7. We don't have as much control over our lives as we'd like to believe.  When I accept the lack of control I have over how my family will be created and what it will ultimately look like, it makes things (a tiny bit) easier.
8. If you don't have hope in life, you've got nothing.
9. When thinking "Why me?", I remember "Why not me?"
10. I am much stronger and more resilient than I ever imagined.

I've mulled over starting a blog countless times since we lost our son.  I was completely broken and could not comprehend that I would ever one day feel "normal" again.   In the early days of my grief, I read anything I could get my hands on about pregnancy loss, stillbirth and grief, including many baby loss blogs.  It was comforting for me to read the words of other women who were in similar boats as I was, and know that I was not alone.  So here I am today, sharing a little about my story, venting about my struggles and writing about my journey to one day hopefully expand our family.