We got the call in January that it was our turn to be offered an IVF cycle beginning with my next period. We paid the IVF fees, and we were all set! We were so ready to do this thing. Or rather I was anyway. Hubby was feeling as if adoption might have been a better option for us, but I was firm that this was something that I needed to do, and he supported me on that.
The type of IVF cycle I was to be on meant me taking the birth control pill for a few weeks before starting the gamut of expensive fertility drugs. I just had to wait for my period to arrive. Except it didn't. A few pregnancy tests later, I was shocked to see the ever coveted 2 pink lines. I couldn't understand how it happened. I mean, I know HOW it happened, but seriously. This was the first month in years that WE WEREN'T EVEN TRYING. And by this I mean:
- I had not looked at the calendar in an entire month. I knew vaguely that I was mid-cycle, but that was it.
- I did not use any ovulation predictor kits
- I'd been going to town with my caffeine intake, knowing that I was going to give it up entirely in the next couple of weeks
- I enjoyed a cocktail or glass of wine (or two) nightly. See reason above. (Sorry baby!)
- I didn't even lie in bed afterwards for half an hour with my hips elevated with a pillow. Such silliness! Is it truly possible for couples to get pregnant without "trying"? How quaint!
So there it was. I was pregnant. I can't even begin to describe how stressful those first few weeks were. At 7 weeks I was finally sent for an ultrasound, and much to my disbelief they detected a HEARTBEAT! I broke down, because I was certain that this pregnancy was once again not going to work out for us. We are just used to things not working out for us it seems. In fact, when we found out I was pregnant my husband and I were both kind of incredulous that we had accidentally gotten pregnant naturally (perhaps we should have been more "careful"???? HA!). We both felt that our odds of being pregnant and not miscarrying yet again were better for us if we got pregnant with IVF. That way they could have chosen a "good" looking embryo to put back in, rather than it just being nature's crapshoot with my dud eggs. It may sound silly, but that is just where our heads are at now after all that we've been through.
Fast forward to 12 weeks and it was time for the nuchal ultrasound. The scan plus my bloodwork miraculously all looked fantastic, unlike how things looked with Harris at this point. Could it possibly be that this time we MIGHT get to take home this baby??
At present, I am 15.5 weeks pregnant. My anxiety levels in the early weeks were through the roof, but I'm coping a little better now. I still have moments when I am convinced everything is horrible and that my baby is dead. They are scary times, and this shadow of fear is never very far from me. I'm doing my best trying to take this pregnancy one day at a time, and to enjoy what will likely be my last pregnancy. I am oh so very hopeful that come the end of October we will have another healthy baby to hold in our arms. This little miracle of a baby. Because for us it truly, truly is.
